Teen Perspective
These articles about teen issues were written by student journalists and appeared in the Chronicle, the newspaper of Barron Collier High School, Naples, Florida.
Courtney E.
Today in America, at least 50 percent of all first marriages and 70 percent of all second marriages end in divorce. As time has gone one, divorce has become more common and once it has taken its course, things usually run smoothly again. Family and friends think that the estranged couple is fine or even better off once it is done, and they provide much needed support for them. But what happens when teens get mixed into the equation?
I see ten different children about divorce in a five day week, said Dr. Mary Ellen Frazier, a psychologist. Children are said to be more resilient than any other age group. They take things in stride and accept defeat when the subject comes up. However, America's youth is constantly under an overwhelming amount of stress, and one thing could trigger an emotional break down, like the loss of a loved one, or in this case, divorce.
Recently, a local panel of psychologists, attorneys and judges conducted a study which includes rational and healthy ways to explain and nurture children's behaviors during and after a divorce. Attorneys and judges use this guide to make wise decisions for custody and visitation rights in a divorce.
Share with them as much information as they can handle, being mindful that some teens become more moralistic and judgmental about divorce and tend to make a scapegoat of the parent they think is responsible for the divorce, according to the guide.
It seems in today's society that since divorce is becoming more accepted, so is the expression of the negative feelings that come with it. Most teens feel embarrassed, confused, alone and angry. Some will hide their feelings, according to the guide.
Frazier states that teens need a lot of attention especially during a divorce. This self-centered desire is absolutely normal and is just part of getting older.
Teenagers need to be on center-stage, getting all the attention and they need their parents to just hold up the scenery, keeping their emotions to themselves, said Frazier. During a divorce, the parents bring out their feelings and can crowd the stage when the teen is on it.
Moreover, relationships with the parents and others may go downhill after the divorce. Girls may choose to marry young and pick a bad partner for marriage when they get a little older. In some cases, girls may even seek the attention of older men, or males that are outside the family circle. This is due to the bitterness and anger they begrudge against their parents, along with the mind frame that says I could do better according to the guide.
Frazier said that in a book written by Judith Wallerstein, a psychological researcher and novelist, Wallerstein called girls ice princesses because some girls have a problem with people getting too close. This sudden closeness can make them feel uncomfortable and they have a tendency to push people away. Being an ice princess could be a result of the lack of general trust.
In addition to these side effects, the parent of the opposite sex to the child's relationship between them and the teen may start to falter in the year after the divorce. Besides to this, some parents try to make a friend out of their child. While this is perfectly understandable, it makes way for big problems to occur in that relationship. Teens may like the added sense of adulthood, but inside they see that parent as weak. It has been proven that a child will respect a parent more if they remain that strong figure in the family, states the guide.
Divorce can be a hard thing to understand. Teens often question parents asking what happened to love? Frazier states that teens see things in black and white. She adds that this is normal for them, but it makes the whole divorce process harder to understand. Adolescents can go through rigorous amounts of therapy to learn to cope with divorce. In fact, most people lead perfectly normal lives and can have normal relationships when the situation is handled properly. But the divorce experience will remain in the back of their mind, only because it was traumatic and somewhat life-changing.
A teenager's healing process is not quick after the divorce. It takes around a year for most teens to adapt. The amount of time it takes depends on two factors. The first being how quickly the parents conform and the second is the question of whether the teen is well adjusted to begin with. If the parted spouses are nice and cooperative with each other, then it will shorten the curative process for the teens. If a teen already has problems and issues but with other things it could be a long time before the teen or even the parents get over the divorce.
Inquiries? Please contact Dr. Jami Jones